30 January, 2014
As much as most people say they never want to leave when they're done studying abroad, I am still in complete torment eight months later. My layovers in Frankfurt were just torture, because I knew I was a short hour or two plane ride away from home, Rome. Every airport I've been in just doesn't feel the same as Fiumicino, and I just miss hearing Italian around me. I miss the ease in traveling from one culture to the next within a matter of hours by train, plane, or automobile. I just want to be able to walk down the street and buy an actually GOOD cappuccino for a Euro. I want to be able to get real, fresh fruit that is clean enough for my Western body to handle (sorry India, but avoiding fruit you couldn't peel just wasn't cutting it). Europe is just so alive and full and beautiful and historical and my heart just feels like its missing something by being in this culture where we pride ourselves on being the best. Don't get me wrong, my time away from the States has taught me a lot on how to appreciate my own culture and ethnicity (white does not equal lack of ethnicity, thank you anthropology for finally teaching me that). I am becoming proud to be an American with a European heart. I am proud to say that I do not fit the mould of one country, nor do I think I ever will. But right now my heart is just dying to hop back over that Atlantic ocean and move forever to a world of interconnectedness and beauty. That's why I all of a sudden have my heart on moving to Edinburgh, because there I know I have a multitude of possible futures ahead of me, all of which are ones I could see myself happily living. My other paths are paths of doubt and fear, though they still may be the path I choose. But Edinburgh is the new back up plan, because I know that that is a plan with the best of both worlds. Now we'll just have to see what actually ends up happening in my life.