When I think about my body image issues, I think back to the day where I laid in bed, trying to fall asleep, but I couldn't push out my feelings of despair and hopelessness. I felt unwanted, and my relational issues turned into physical issues. That night I went to the bathroom sobbing, and tried to puke up my feelings. That was the first of only two times that happened, and I am happy to say that neither time did it work.
For the past few years, I have had really negative views on my body. I secretly wished I had the self control to be anorexic or bulimic. But I just didn't. I hated myself for it, but what could I do, I loved to eat. I am basically done with the book Purge: Rehab Diaries by Nicole Johns, a memoir/self-help book about a woman with Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS). This book is fantastic because it truly dives deep into the disordered eating brain. Reading this book is making me so thankful that my depression never turned into an eating disorder, even though I was secretly waiting for it to happen. I am happy to say that my depression is pretty much gone and that my body image is much better than it used to be. I am so much happier with myself than I used to be, and this book is really opening up my eyes to what could have been. It is a heart-wrenching story.
Just a side note, please don't let this post worry anyone out there. This book is just making me realize how much happier I am now than I once was.