26 September, 2012

Amazing How Much Can Change in So Little Time

A year ago, I was pledging a sorority that now is seriously a huge part of my life, I was on a COMPLETELY different life path than I am now, and I was 100%, completely, and totally, utterly miserable.  Little did I know it was going to get worse.  Amazing to think that from the beginning of last year to the end, I would go from what I thought was happy to so depressed I contemplated suicide once or twice.  Thank God that didn't last long, but still, it's amazing how much has changed in a year.  I am now so sure of what I am going to do, because I absolutely love what I do.  Yes, I don't know when I'm going to grad school or if I want to do something between then, but I'll figure it out.  All I know is I'm happy.  I have a new boyfriend.  Who woulda thunk, right?!  I still get these weird feelings of sadness, but it's usually when I see something that reminds me of what I was like last year, like when I pass Prairie View (I will never like that building, too many terrible memories), or when I see a very old familiar post on tumblr.  However, I am easily reminded that my life is no longer that sob story of the girl who is still in love with her ex and can't get over it, even though he's moved on to another girl.  Wanna know why?  Because
a) My ex is no longer the person I dated and fell in love with.  He is completely different, and that's good.  I feel like the fact that we changed so much after breaking up shows that we were holding each other back and now we are in places we need to be.
b) I no longer harbour hostil feelings toward him.  We all make mistakes, and he just made a lot in a short amount of time, all toward me.  I forgave him multiple times throughout our mess, and I need to man up and keep those forgives as just that - forgiven.  Grudges will do nothing for me.
c) I have finally found what I want out of life.  Yeah, I'm still kinda struggling, but I've been able to focus lately on stuff I love, like reading, music, traveling, and being spontaneous, something that I wasn't with my ex.
d) I've found someone who pushes me to be myself and to become better.  Which isn't that what we all really want?  Someone who won't let us settle and become old and boring because we're 'perfect the way we are'?  Yeah, he likes me for who I am, but that doesn't mean that I am allowed to sit on my ass for the rest of my life.  We motivate each other and push each other to do amazing things with our lives.  He is making me a better person and I know that I will only get to where I go in the future because he told me he believed in me and that I could do it.
Moral of the story is, I never would have thought last year that my life would get so terrible and that my life would bounce back up to better than it was before.  I am so incredibly happy and have so much to look forward to in life!  God has truly answered my prayers.  They may not have been as soon as I wanted them to be, but you know what?  I love who I am now and that's all that matters.
Peace and Blessings